Like giving life to an Elephant: The Story of a Long Gestation
Growing up I was a trouble maker who didn’t finish much of anything. I always chalked up my lack of follow through with an extreme dislike of rules, and a love of breaking them, often.
When you’re 13 or 16. or anything less than 18, your ‘people’ might feel the need to send you ‘professionals’ who will promise to figure you out. They will promise your hand-wringing relations that they will cure you.
This Just In! There’s No Cure!
‘Professional’ consensus was that I was immobilized by ‘fear of success’ and so instead of trying, I did nothing. In my older-ness, as I think back on these ‘sessions’, I’ve come to recognize a bit of wisdom in them. What it all means is that I’m kind of a perfectionist. But my brand of perfectionism is a weird one, it’s not at all type A. How it plays out is that I take a really really long time to do certain things, to the point that they become episodic.
This site has been in the ‘almost perfect’ phase for close to a year. I’ve stalled, I’ve switched hosts, I’ve switched templates, I switched to Word Press, I’ve installed new fonts, I’ve switched up the galleries but I didn’t switch up was the Live button. It’s strange that as a Leo, with a Leo rising, which should mean I’m an attention whore, I avoided putting me and this blog out there. Even with the potential of high fives and maybe even some fans, I didn’t hit go, perfecting it is what I did instead. I suppose it was the ‘fear of success’ thing the ‘professionals’ had said all along.
What finally compelled you to do it, Christina?
The answer is both dandy and Sandy.
Yes, my dear hetero-life-mate, Sandy is the ‘professional’ who cured me.
See the stakes are high.
She wants everyone to know who is who on said fancy blog.
Also, this May we’re going to the FIND workshop in DC, and we’ve been told there will a public airing and critique of our portfolios.
So the stakes are fairly high.
And I my perfectionistic wallowing, in my own private cyber identity mess, had to stop.
I had personas here and there, akin to a cyber Sybil.
I was one big father mucking closter muck.
So, Sandy made me do it. Like she really made me to it.
She’d call me and say “Okay friend, I’m calling you back in 3 hours and you have to have this and this done.”
And so, instead of breaking this bottle of champagne on the shiny new hull of this close to perfect site, I say we toast to something Dandy, namely Sandy.
Dear Sandy, thank you for kicking my a$$.
And so, Ladies and Gents, welcome. I hope you like my nearly perfect, not quite perfect enough new site.
P.S. Pssst. What do you think? of the site.