Earlier this summer I ventured out to the Japanese Garden in the Arboretum. It’s quite lovely and serene, except if you go on a day when you are to be on the look out for an aggressive and viscous mother raccoon hellbent on protecting her raclets. Naturally, I went looking, but no luck.
I did however come upon a different kind of nature, a quite disgusting sort, namely coy, or more commonly known as big ol’ nasty carp. Spiders are cool, snakes aren’t too bad, but carp, carp are just sickening.
Carp are a gluttonous pig fish who will follow the shadow of the human above, waiting for said human to drop something, anything in the water, so they can eat it. Polite is not for carp; they will grope and pig pile their extended family to be first. These carp, it would seem, are an entirely a bad influence on the rest of theJapanese garden creatures. I saw a duck stand on the back of a turtle, and turtles trying to do the same to each other, all for want of whatever the carp were begging for. I’m not sure if there’s some sort of symbiotic relationship going on here, because I did see a duck go crowd surfing on the backs of several carp.
Because you’re not quite disgusted enough, and I like to end with a bang, I’m going to now share the the worst carp offensive. The worst carp offense is his mouth and lips. Yes, I also said lips. Let me explain.
Carp mouths in need of nourishment (question: has there ever been a skinny carp?), are thrust forward, in a weird mechanical-like way. This carp mouth movement is not unlike a Shark Week’s Shark’s jaw, in action.You know when that great white leaps out of the water to eat the camera-man, their jaw does this crazy ‘ahhhhhhh, I’m going get you!’ jig? And by jig I mean the jaw dislodges and ejects. This is what the carp’s mouth does. It doesn’t look dangerous, frankly I wish it did, instead it looks disgusting and like it might be NC17.
But wait, there’s more, there’s lips.
The mouth and lips of a carp work in relay-race fashion. Once the carp mouth has done its shark jaw ejector thing, the carp lips take over. Here’s why: Their lips are … wait for it… prehensile and prehensile gets their first.
You’re thinking “prehensile, I know what prehensile is, prehensile is for monkey and sea horses.” Yes, but it’s also for fish lips, big nasty carp lips in a variety of colors, and all looking like they are wearing way too much lipstick.
Pretty colors though, huh?
Contax // Portra 400